


One kiss is all it takes

by eternalmurasaki



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: M/M, Possibly Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-03
Updated: 2019-10-17
Packaged: 2019-10-21 22:08:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17650796
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eternalmurasaki/pseuds/eternalmurasaki
Summary: Yuzu is familiar with dark places. Lights flashing. Music.Yuzu is familiar with more or less subtly moving his hips along to the music, on the side of a rink.There's however no ice nearby tonight.





	1. Chapter 1

Yuzu is familiar with dark places. Lights flashing. Music.

Yuzu is familiar with more or less subtly moving his hips along to the music, on the side of a rink.

There's however no ice nearby tonight.

No seated audience, no cameras. No staring.

He's playfully dancing with a grin on his lips, surrounded with people who don't know him... except for Javi. Javi is grinning back at him, obviously pleased to see him having fun.

Of course Yuzu in a club is a special sight. Looking both out of place and like he's meant to be there. Meant to shine, smirk and teasingly poke his tongue out at his friend. _Don't make fun of me._

No one is making fun of Yuzu. 

***

Yuzu had never expected to end up here, at a club in New York. Javier had wanted to have a last trip on the continent before moving back to Spain and had convinced Yuzu that it would be a good idea to tag along.

Of course the younger is glad to savour as much of his time and company as he can before his dear friend moves back to Europe. Every shared smile is precious... every joke, even silly ones are important. 

It all matters. 

Even a quiet look Yuzu can't hold back that might betray untold emotions...

He holds onto it all. All signs that their bond exists and will never disappear.

He holds onto it all, even the moments when he sees Javier and his girlfriend share gentle looks and embraces. 

 

He does however look away when they kiss.

 

Maybe deep down he's by now simply overwhelmed at the thought of his dear, dear friend moving away. Maybe his love is now only platonic, like it should be.

 

Or maybe he's only trying to convince himself that he's not in love anymore...

Yuzu rolls his eyes.

Of course he still is. 

He just doesn't want to think about it now. He wants to _enjoy_ this. To soak up his precious friend's presence. His warmth, his smiles. He'll soak it all up to have memories to bathe in forever.

***

Yuzu doesn't drink. He never does. But he can make a tiny exception tonight, because his intuition tells him this night is meant to be different. He's sincerely glad that Javier looks so happy tonight and he knows that he himself can find a way to have fun too, without overthinking.

The three of them have somehow ended up in a private VIP area, Yuzu doesn't know how, but here they are and-

A handsome man is talking to Javier a few meters away, a friendly hand on his shoulder. He looks nice, both classy and relaxed at the same time.

Is that pretty dark-haired man an aquaintance or - ? The mysterious man interrupts his train of thoughts when his eyes suddenly meet his. Yuzu gets a bit nervous - does that guy know them? Were they just recognized?

He closes his eyes and turns around to continue dancing. If there was something to worry about, Javier would tell him.

***

Yuzu has no idea how much time has gone by; he's sitting on a couch in the VIP area while Javi, his girlfriend and others are still dancing. He's not tired, but giving his ankle a break feels like the right thing to do.

"I think I'll also have some more vodka," a voice next to him says.

It's mysterious-guy who is talking to him like they are friends, and for a second Yuzu can only blink. What can he reply to that?

The man grabs a glass from the bucket one of them had ordered, pours himself some Belvedere and adds orange juice.

Oh right. 

The guy thought Yuzu was drinking vodka... there was no way he could know he's now only having juice. One cocktail had been enough.

The stranger lifts his glass to meet Yuzu's with a smile.

"What's your name? Are you here on holiday or something?"

***

Tim.

He's called Tim.

Yuzu has no idea who he is; but it looks like Tim has no idea who he is either, so that's good. Having fun with people without anything having to be complicated feels nice. No expectations, no need to worry about his image or anything. It turns out that Tim is the one who invited the three of them in this private space; he only jokes that he thought they looked cool to justify the invitation.

He has no idea why this handsome guy has decided to talk to him but it's an enjoyable surprise. He looks kind of popular - people sometimes come to see him and shout "Timmyyyy!!!" before hugging him. His dancing is pretty special too... Yuzu is curious where he learnt to do all those moves.

This universe is so different from anything the Japanese has ever seen... so different from his isolated comfort-zone. But just by going on this trip, Yuzu had decided that he would let himself forget the pressure he puts on himself, and let himself live differently - just for a few days.

***

"Having a good time?"

A familiar warm arm snakes around his waist, a familiar gentle voice. 

Yuzu is grateful it's dark enough for Javi to probably not see his blush.

"Yes."

Javi holds him tighter for an instant.

"I'm happy for you," the older adds.

Happy for him? Yuzu is a bit confused, but before he can think Javi steps back and Timmy is back at his side.

Dancing.

Smiling.

Yuzu giggles when he does a funny move and dances too. He later realises the other man's eyes linger on him quite a long while and suddenly feels nervous again - in a weird pleasant way.

***

Some people are way too drunk but everyone who is talking to him is alright. Javier is obviously a bit tipsy and is in an affectionate mood. 

Yuzu doesn't mind... but someone does.

"Man, leave Yuzu alone or your girlfriend will get jealous," Tim jokes.

"She won't, she knows Yuzu is special for me. Special for everyone."

Yuzu hopes Javi will stop there and not elaborate why he thinks he's special - he wants to stay the random guy no-one knows.

"Special..." Timmy says thoughtfully. "Special indeed." He adds with a wink at Yuzu and Yuzu's mouth is suddenly dry.

Is he...

Is Timmy _really_ interested? Because....

Yuzu's heart treacherously thumps in his chest.

He doesn't know much about this guy but he is gorgeous and... this is a private place. This man likes Yuzu just because of their interactions tonight, without knowing anything about him, without knowing a persona created by media and-

Timmy goes back to dancing and gives Yuzu an inviting look, beckoning him to follow him. A look Yuzu can pretend to only see as something friendly if he wants to, but he can tell that the spark in Timmy's eyes means something else entirely.

***

Timmy is quite tall. Especially this close up.

They aren't exactly dancing together but... sometimes they are very close.

Timmy's sweet eyes never leave him and Yuzu feels like this has to be a crazy dream he's having. How can this be real life? He melts a little when he sees the other man's lips quiver as his smile shifts from confident to a little shy.

He's close, close, and Yuzu feels a warm breath on his neck.

"You're so beautiful. I hope you know that."

Yuzu shivers. 

There's a warm hand on his waist and... that dark curly hair, that delicate face... does one cocktail make people more sensitive to people's beauty or-

Yuzu can only stare.

Tim smiles gently, not expecting an answer.

"Is this ok?" he adds, a hand gently sliding into Yuzu's hair.

Yuzu can't think.

He never expected to-

His reason is screaming at him to run away. Because this is not what the press wants to see.

But fuck it.

There's no press around and he wants this.

He _needs_ this.

He's human too.

Yuzu licks his lips and nods.

***

Yuzu doesn't have that much experience where kissing is concerned but damn... 

Those soft lips. 

That tongue. 

Those _teeth_. 

Why had no one told him a little tug and a little bite could be so thrilling, so... hot? Yes, Yuzu has to say it. Hot. So is Timmy's smirk and the gentler kiss that follows up.

Yuzu is melting, he needs to- 

Without thinking his sinks his fingers into Tim's curly hair and tries to draw himself up to kiss him deeper.

His move makes Tim slightly stagger backwards and the new aquaintance laughs.

"Come on," he says and takes Yuzu's hand to lead them towards a wall - somewhere more stable.

***

Yuzu feels like time has stopped. 

Hot and sensual kisses against the wall.

Hands gently stroking his hair, then tugging him back into a hungrier kiss...

Yuzu feels like he's in another universe.

Minutes, or hours later, they are cosily settled on the couch, Timmy's fingers slowly hovering over Yuzu's thigh. It's funny to see Tim shy again after all those kisses... 

"You can touch, you know."

His shy face quickly morphs into a playful one.

"Oh trust me, I'd love to."

Now that his hand is on Yuzu's muscular thigh, nothing feels innocent anymore and Yuzu needs to close his eyes for a moment... to try to pull himself together before he gets tempted to do something unreasonable. 

One step at a time.

When he reopens his eyes however, the first thing he sees is Javier staring at him.

And it takes the older a moment too long to wipe an unusual expression off his face and Yuzu suddenly feels like he's falling.

What was that?

He must have been dreaming. He must have. Because that just made no sense.

He closes his eyes again and leans into Tim's shoulder.

"Tired..." he says as he wishes he had drunk enough to not be able to think at all. Enough to only enjoy this beautiful man's company without his heart bringing back unwanted thoughts.

***

The ride back to the hotel is rather quiet. Javi makes a few kind jokes about Yuzu's success and compliments him for getting a handsome actor's phone number. Javier's girlfriend is meanwhile in deep sleep, in the taxi's front seat.

 

 _Timothee Chalamet_ , Javier had said, but Tim had just typed 'Tim New York' in Yuzu's phone with his number.

The younger doesn't watch many movies anyway, so he has never heard that name before. He just likes Tim because he has been awesome tonight. Kind, fun and gorgeous. And hot.

He wouldn't have ever approached him in different circumstances. Yuzu isn't looking for a relationship. But tonight... it just happened.

If Tim is a celebrity, well... maybe he'd be fine with the thought of keeping anything between them discreet - ideally secret. Yuzu already almost regrets having one alcoholic beverage and giving in to kissing a man somewhere where they weren't alone.

He takes a deep breath and tries to focus on what matters. While the party was nice, Yuzu is here for one reason... 

"Did you have a good time?" he whispers to Javi, not wanting to wake up the latter's girlfriend.

The older nods with a small smile.

A sincere smile... but that is not as simple as it should be.

Yuzu had tried to push away the unfounded doubts he'd had earlier, when he'd spotted Javi watching him and Tim on the couch but... something was and is there, lurking under the surface.

"Javi..."

Yuzu watches him carefully, but Javi doesn't say a word... he only shakes his head, with a bigger smile.

Like he wants to say _"Nothing wrong"_ but can't bring himself to voice it.

Despite the smile, his eyes betray something that looks like untold emotions Yuzu had always thought he'd never see there.

The younger wants to believe that this is a dream too. Because he knows Javi is happy with his girlfriend, so this makes _no sense_...

He knows he's been telling himself this way too many times... maybe feelings are destined to sometimes make no sense.

If tonight is destined to be unreasonable... if tonight, Yuzu is meant to not hold back... he decides to follow his instinct, again. He quietly takes Javi's hand in his and holds it gently. The warm hand he won't get to hold for a long time.

Yuzu bites his lower lip. It takes him a while to find words that feel right.

"You're my special friend..." he hesitantly says.

But it feels like it's not enough.

He can't ignore the lump in his throat any longer.

"My most special person," he adds, more insistently and holds Javier's hand tighter.

Javi can interpret those words the way he wants to. Yuzu will never dare get any closer to a confession than that. But he has no doubt that Javier understands that he's very important to him and that the affection Yuzu's eyes are conveying isn't something he easily gives.

Yuzu watches him, keeps his fingers gently wrapped around his. He's a special person who will always have a place in his heart, and holding his hand feels more overwhelming than that night's kisses. It's a gesture that speaks more than anything he'd ever dare say.

Yuzu watches him blink. Watches him look away and look back. Yuzu would watch him all night if he could. 

A deep breath.

A twitch of Javi's thick eyebrows.

A twitch of his lips. The smile is gone.

"I'm sorry, Yuzu..." Javier breathes, visibly troubled.

Yuzu's heart clenches but he doesn't let go. He needs Javier to understand.

"You have nothing to apologize for, nothing."

This isn't about expecting anything back. He's not expecting anything other than friendship. This is just about opening up about how much he cares. Because Javi deserves to know how precious he is.

What's the point of Javi apologizing? No one has to apologize for being straight... they have never talked about it, but Yuzu's past doubts don't matter anymore.

Javi is happy.

Javi cares for him deeply too.

It's all that matters.

Yuzu affectionately squeezes his hand again and smiles.

"I'll tell you if something happens with Tim... and what Brian says about it if he finds out," Yuzu jokes, in an attempt to lighten the mood.

The younger wishes he could do something to take the heaviness away, to bring back a smile just light and happy on his friend's lips.

But he knows saying "I love you" won't solve anything. Javier doesn't deserve complications, Yuzu only wants his affection to feel like a warm blanket.

Javi smiles but stays quiet. His thumb gently strokes the back of Yuzu's hand.

Their hands are still together when the car stops at their hotel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've wanted to write Yuzuvier for quite a while but I kept delaying, telling myself "I should wait until I know them better".
> 
> I recently got into the Call Me By Your Name fandom and I think that Timothee is really handsome, especially these days, now that he's older.
> 
> This oneshot was supposed to just be something silly, an excuse to have Yuzu and Timmy meet and like each other (not realistic, I know)....
> 
> But....  
> I love Yuzu and Javi's friendship so much... yuzuvier crept into this fic plot.  
> And my first yuzu fic that was supposed to be something easy and light, just to have fun, turned into angst.
> 
> Sorry?  
> And thank you for reading!  
> Despite how unrealistic this is, I hope you liked it :)
> 
> Fic-yuzu, fic-Javi, how about you watch CMBYN at the hotel together that night and think a bit more about who you actually want to kiss?


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today I fangirled over Timmy & felt the urge to make them interact again, so... I decided to bring this fic back and turn it from a oneshot into something on-going.

Focussing on skating always helps Yuzu. Reading, image training, being on the ice, counting, thinking, reviewing his performances... skating fills all the corners of his mind. It helps him deal with all the things he can't let himself think about, for his own wellbeing. That is, what he perceives to be wellbeing.

There aren't many things he doesn't want to think about.

He embraces the memories of his injuries. If his sicknesses. He embraces the memory of all obstacles he has fought his way through. It had undoubtedly taken time to be able to accept it all. Memories of anguish, guilt and pain were hard to deal with, especially considering it wasn't only physical. But he has learnt to take a step back and use those memories to push himself forward. Those memories fuel the fire he needs. A fire fuelled by both the obstacles and by his love for the sport.

He embraces the memory of his rivalry with Javier, of their precious, protective friendship. Of their mutual support and affection.

It's more complicated to embrace being in love with Javier.

Part of him wants to believe that while his obstacles came to him without giving him a choice, he _let himself_ fall in love. He put himself into that mess of feelings and right now, he doesn't want to listen to his heart. Doesn't want to admit that falling in love _isn't_ a decision, it's something that just happens.

Yuzu isn't blind, deep down, he knows he couldn't have helped it. But he's so used to taking responsibility for every aspect of himself, so used to thinking, and overthinking about what is good for him and what isn't... that he's unable to embrace those feelings.

He has accepted them - he's used to them by now. But he doesn't embrace them.

Counting, thinking, reviewing.

Training, training, training.

Anything to keep his mind busy. Anything to make him stay focused on goals he can actually achieve.

Skating is something he's good at. Unlike other things.

***

Yuzu doesn't spend much time thinking about Tim afterwards. The next day he'd felt ashamed... Not that he thought what he had done was wrong per se, but it was not what _Yuzuru Hanyu_ would do. It wasn't what a sober Yuzu, with his barriers up, fully aware of his own expectations would do.

It isn't only regarding skating that Yuzu is strict with himself. Skating is the end goal, but it makes him deal with his whole life differently. The only reason the barriers had been down on that night had been the specific context.

Sure, those had just been a few kisses, it supposedly isn't much... but for Yuzu, it _is_ a lot.

He tries to ignores it. It's easier that way, easier to think _that wasn't me_.

His conversation with Javi on the other hand...

He would probably be better off ignoring it too, but how could he? The older's unsettled expression is carved in his memory. His uncertain smile, their fingers interlaced... images come back to him too often.

Yuzu is used to unwanted thoughts resurfacing during the night, when he can't fall asleep... but sometimes they come up during the day too. He wants to blame his injury for this: his slow recovery doesn't let him train as intensively as he wishes he could. But of course, he blames himself.

Blames himself for letting himself fall in love. Even worse: letting himself _stay_ in love.

***

It's on one of those evenings that Yuzu receives an unexpected text.

_'Hey! How are you doing? Are you coming back to New York anytime soon? Tim.'_

Yuzu blinks at his phone screen, the surprise tearing him away from thoughts about Javi he didn't want to have in the first place. He welcomes the distraction.

Had that guy added his name at the end of the message in case Yuzu had deleted his contact? He smiles and ponders on what to answer.

_Hello Tim. I'm good, how are you? I can't go to New York._

He bites his lip and wonders how to sound less cold... Tim deserves something nice. They met over a month ago, and Tim still remembers him... Yuzu likes that.

He hesitates for a few moments and adds the next words to keep the tone light.

_I'm stuck in Toronto. You should come visit our freezer city._

Freezer? Freezing? Whatever, it doesn't matter if he makes a mistake. He presses send.

A laughing emoji is instantly sent back to him and Yuzu smiles again. He stares at the dots that tell him Tim is typing, both nervous and excited.

_'How can Toronto stay cold with someone as hot as you there?'_

Oh.

He stops breathing. Then gulps.

What is he supposed to reply?!

After a few seconds, he tries to type something, but keeps deleting everything. He briefly thinks about the fact that Tim can certainly see that he's typing, stopping and deleting on loop.

He sweats nervously and in the end just sends an emoji with an enigmatic grin.

He sucks. No wonder he doesn't want to date anyone. Life is complicated as it is, why should he make it even worse?

Tim is quick to send another message.

_'Sorry if that was a bit forward. I was joking. Not that you aren't hot but... yeah. I don't wanna make you uncomfortable. I'm fine if you prefer me to shut up._

Yuzu's cheeks deflate.

 _Don't_ he swiftly replies.

He waits nervously... and gets an enigmatic emoji back.

***

Yuzu unexpectedly thinks about Tim a bit more after that. It's easy, it's simple, it's something that doesn't hurt. Priorities stay first: he doesn't let it interfere with his skating, but in the evening when he feels an unwanted nostalgia of Javi's friendly smiles take over, he tries to get his thoughts busy with someone else.

He briefly considers asking Javi what Tim's name is again, but something stops him. For some reason... telling Javier he's thinking about that guy feels like it would be a betrayal. Yuzu knows there's no logic there: Javi has a girlfriend, Yuzu doesn't owe him anything. But, no. Keeping everything private feels like the right thing to do.

He thus starts out with googling 'Tim actor New York' and checks the image results. Old men, unknown faces, he's on the verge of giving up when after what feels like ages of scrolling, a familiar face finally shows up.

Cute shy face, white suit. This looks so different from the super cool and comfortable person Yuzu had met, but he knows some circumstances would make anyone shy and nervous.

He clicks and reads. Some of the article gives him a headache due to too much vocabulary he doesn't know, but...

Ok, _'Timothée Chalamet'_ it is.

And... wait, an Oscar nominee? Yuzu's eyebrows arch in surprise.

How the hell did he end up kissing that kind of person?? He leans his head sideways, confused, and suddenly wants to laugh. _Timothée_ probably would never expect to have kissed a professional sportsman with medals either. It feels kind of funny.

He decides to dig a bit futher into what earned this guy a nomination.

 _'Call Me By Your Name'_.

 

The first result on Youtube is the official trailer, it looks nice and Tim is pretty in it but Yuzu is confused about the story. His heartbeat does spike up when he sees the last few scenes, the gentle whisper in bed... is this what he thinks this is?

He swallows and clicks on the next search result: _'best scenes'_.

Pretty curly hair is back - he looks super young here. Sunlight on nice skin. Yuzu smiles when a dancing scene comes up, in what looks like an outdoors club. Now _this_ is something familiar and Yuzu grins at the memory of the man's fingers skimming against his waist, at first hesitantly, then more confidently. Dancing with _him_ , not with that girl-

Then the scene switches to another one whose meaning Yuzu doesn't get. Tim seems to be holding a bloody hankerchief to his nose, his leg accross the other guy's lap. It ends with a kiss on Tim's foot and something twists in Yuzu's gut.

For a few moments he forgets the screen. Thinks of his foot in pain, of Javi's gentle eyes, and just like that his relaxed enjoyment of the video evaporates. He closes his eyes, takes a deep breath... reopens them and tries to focus on Tim's nice wet skin. On the dream-worthy setting. Wet curly hair - and no, _try to not reminisce Javi's wet hair in the locker room, not now._

The good thing about the video switching from one scene to another is that it helps take Yuzu out of his musing. He's blinking in surprise at the screen when he sees Tim playing piano - he appreciates the arm muscles and the lean but soft tummy. He gives up on understanding what exactly this story about, although he can guess it's something about those two men. A sweet handshake under the sun with a statue's arm makes Yuzu want to ruffle that cute hair - Javi hair forgotten for once. Gentle smiles, sunlight, shoulder shoving, Yuzu doesn't need to understand everything to appreciate what he's seing.

It doesn't take a long time for him to tell himself it's time to go back to his monk life where everything is about skating. He puts his phone away and takes out his last notebook. Tries to focus on his notes and not think about golden skin and wavy hear - be it Tim's or Javi's.

***

It's a training day like any other. Not easy, he still needs painkillers and no, he can't wait. Javi has won Euros and Yuzu is so proud of him... now it's his turn to win, he _needs_ to win Worlds. Needs to end this deceptively painful season on a positive note.

As usual, he puts ice on his feet as soon as he's done. Jason ends up sitting with him to ask how he's doing and Yuzu is rather vague on anything personal, as usual.

When Jason mentions a week-end activity he enjoyed last week-end, Yuzu's brain decides to not give a shit about his own mental barriers and brings up the image of the man's kiss on Tim's foot again. So many people around him open up to a special someone and get precious support. The gentle smiles he relied on are gone, maybe... just maybe he could convince himself that no longer pushing away urges to try something would be good for him.

And so, that night he messages Tim.

_'Toronto is still waiting for you.'_

An amused emoji.

Well that guy is pretty reactive, how does he manage to always answer so quickly??

 _'I actually went to Toronto a few times before,'_ Timothée answers, _'but I didn't get to visit a lot.'_

_'What were you here for?'_

A pause. Dots that appear and disappear. Does Tim have something to hide?

_'Toronto International Film Festival. Was there twice.'_

Yuzu didn't even know there was such a festival in Toronto. But now he guesses that Tim may have hesitated if he thought he didn't know who he was.

_'I'm an actor, that's why.'_

Honesty, then? Yuzu appreciates it, but part of him starts to panic because what if-

_'What about you? What do you do in life?'_

Yuzu curses. There, precisely what he dreaded. He stares at his phone and tries to get his head out of the panic-induced white noise.

Honesty is the besr policy, right?

But if he were honest, he would just type _'Why are we even talking? I'm still in love with Javier.'_

That would be stupid, though. Because nothing is ever going to happen with Javier, Javier _doesn't_ love him the same way. Will his brain ever stop coming up with pointless words? He must focus.

Yuzu doesn't want to tell him about Figure Skating, not yet. He would like them to get to know each other a bit more before Tim potentially discovers the media version.

 _'Come to Toronto and I'll show you.'_ he finally types.

A laughing emoji.

_'You expect me to just trust you and come over?'_

Ok, maybe this _is_ a bit crazy. But Yuzu smirks and doesn't backtrack.

_'Yep.'_

Dots up. No dots. A pause.

 _'I'll ask Brian'_ Tim writes and Yuzu freezes.

_'Brian who???'_

A laughing emoji.

_'My agent is called Brian.'_

That for a coincidence... in the end, maybe they are destined to see each other again. Yuzu simply replies with a thumbs up and gets ready to go to sleep.

He wants to believe that he's making the right decision. That he could use this visit possibility as an additional motivation to work hard.

He'll make it, he'll be perfect on time.

For Tim, and more importantly, for Worlds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading ❤


End file.
